Transforming from the inside / out

So I haven't posted anything recently. Well I have been busy, then traveling and finally this week sick from a stomach illness.  Lovely right? Well it's not as glamorous as it seems. Lol!

The good thing that usually comes with any stomach illness is weight loss.  Well I am down 2 lbs, which I would have preferred more, but hey better than nothing. The interesting transformation is my attitude towards food. Maybe good, maybe bad, I'm not sure but right now food is my enemy. I can't look at it and go "mmmm I need that" or "oooh that looks so yummy" because quite frankly food has lost it's appeal.

Monday night, I had what I can only describe as a phantom gallbladder attack. Phantom meaning that I no longer own a gallbladder. But oh that pain. It was misery. I coudn't breathe. I panicked. I hurt more than I had ever hurt, and I've had 3 kids!!!! When I think of that pain, I get scared to ever have that again. I'm not sure what caused it, if it was something I ate, if it was all the vomiting I had engaged in during the course of the day, but seriously I NEVER WANT THAT TO HAPPEN EVER, EVER AGAIN!!!!

What in the world could be good about this? The fact that I've begun to think of food as fuel, to be eaten in small, healthy portions. Maybe that's what I need right now to make my weight loss goal. Maybe this will give me the edge I've been needing.

I've also adjusted my weight loss goal. I had been really working on losing 2 lbs per week. It's not too unreasonable, still within safe parameters right? But I have learned that my body doesn't do that. No matter how clean I eat, no matter how hard I hit my workouts, there are few weeks my body will cooperate with the 2lbs lost goal. This has been very discouraging and I think is a big reason why I have not met my goal. Imagine struggling and not getting as far as you want when you want over and over again. Eventually you want to have times where you are like "who cares? Maybe I'll just stay fat." But I can't do that. My spine can't take the extra weight. So, I guess instead of trying to hit my goal by 39, I will aim for by 40. I am aiming for 1 - 1.5 lbs per week. I would really like it to be sooner and maybe it will happen some weeks, but if it doesn't, I will (hopefully) have reached at least 1 lb gone and that's better than nothing.

Well, I think this post is long enough.  Until another day.