Never giving up...

I have been still steadily trying to lose weight.  Now, all workouts hurt. I try PIYO, it hurts, I try Turbo Fire, it hurts, I walk in place...guess what that hurts too. Walking hurts. The chiropractor says right now the impact from walking is too much...seriously?? So what in the world am I supposed to do?? Well, I am not sure yet. He says I need to use an elliptical or a stationary bike. Neither of which I have. So I am just going to have to either find one or think of something. It makes me want to quit. My body wins! GAME OVER. Right???

WRONG! I will never ever ever give up. I am not sure what I will have to do, but I will figure out a way to lose this weight. I have joined a new weight loss challenge group for 4 weeks. I am going to use that as a jumping off point, a launching pad to get me back into a routine and doing what I need to do.  Don't get me wrong, I have actually been walking in place or walking everyday...counting those calories and drinking water. And I have made progress...but what I need to do is quit having those thoughts that pop into my head telling me to quit. Ignore those voices is the focus of the next 4 weeks.

So let's do it!

A few changes...

I really have no idea if anyone actually reads this blog. If not, no worries! I need a place where I can get all that swims around in my head out! And to any who do read, thank you!

So I have been thinking about the format of this blog a bit, and I want to change it up. I love to write. I feel so good when I get my hands on a keyboard and let my fingers fly. It unloads my brain, and sometimes my heart.

Losing weight is still the main focus on this blog. I am learning how to juggle a busy family with losing weight. Anyone who has ready this blog in the past knows that Turbo Fire or any Turbo workout (there's also Turbo Kick, the live classes and Turbo Jam, the original) are my favorite workouts to do. But there are days...most days where that doesn't fit in to our busy lives. So I am trying to find a different way to get some kind of exercise in. As long as I stay busy...that usually isn't a problem. I aim for a target amount of calories during the day, based on goals set by me and the Bodymedia software, and if I can keep up with it I am confident this will be the year I succeed.

Well, gotta run...
Love and hugs,
Dee

Do over

Don't you sometimes wish that had a do over button? Where you could just press this button and you could redo everything.  That's how I'm feeling right now with my weight loss. I wish I could just start over. I don't mean start over at 245 pounds, but I mean instead of all this time it's taken me to lose the weight just have a steady weight loss journey and be done by now. But that's not how life goes... I can only try to finish this journey I have started. Apparently the scenery was nice around 180 pounds and I hung out there too long. But I'm moving away from there and headed to lighter places.

I was thinking of doing a photo weigh in weekly... Not sure yet that's really intimidating to me.  I've actually been struggling with the thought of if I even want to continue with losing weight or just stay as I am. But I know I'd feel better even just 20 pounds lighter, so right now that's my aim. I'm never gonna have a body like these Beachbody coaches in my Instagram and Facebook feeds,  and I need to learn to be happy with this body. The one I'm in. 

Learning my limitations...

Here I am. Another summer.  Not where I want to be in body composition. Why? I really don't feel it lately.  Is that weird?  I have just been living. Weight loss has been in the back of my mind , but not where it needs to be if I really want to make progress.

It has been a busy week and my low bp problems have come to visit again so I'm drained after being outside and in general. I am logging food but I'm not really exercising like I should.  Even my beloved Turbo is too much for me right now. 

We have convention coming up next week and until and through then,  I'm going to concentrate on drinking a lot of water.  That always seems to help me. After convention I'll figure out what needs to happen next.

Love and hugs,
Dee

Will You still love me if I am fat?

Wow...weird question right? This is a question that a lot of us long time dieters ask. We're insecure, we are sometimes uncomfortable in our own skin. And we have all these preconceived notions about how much better life will be if we are skinny.

But at the end of the day, people just want to be loved. They want to be assured that the people they love and hold in high esteem feel the same way about them. Or maybe they want someone to be proud of them. "You look so good, you must have worked hard, I'm so proud of you" may be as important to an overweight persons ears as air to the lungs.

I have always been honest on my blog, and I am not about to stop now.  I want to lose weight.... I have 48 more pounds to go and I want more than anything to experience what it feels like not to carry around excess weight. I have wanted this since I was about 13 years old.

Yes I have lost 68 pounds, but I want to lose the rest. Here's the thing...it is NOT coming off! I have been at a calorie deficit this whole time (except a 2 week diet break)...this whole time being over 4 years.  When I stalled, I took a diet break (March 2015)...didn't gain anything during that time so I thought maybe my body was ready to start losing again. NOPE! I exercised more...lowered my calories more, became obsessed. Now I am trying intermittent fasting hoping this was the "magical" answer but yet again I am left disappointed. (I know I have only been doing it a week but my body usually responds to diet changes within days of a new eating pattern...last time I did Intermittent fasting I lost 3 pounds the first week..)

I feel like if I don't explain this, people will think I am not trying. They will think I like being my size. They will think or say: "You must be eating more than you say" or "You eat mostly junk food" or "Obviously you are not trying hard enough". The thing is.... I AM! I weigh and measure my food and log everything that goes into my body. I eat whole grains, fruit, salads, veggies, protein.  I have a calorie tracker to track how many calories I am burning. If I don't have my target burned calories, then I walk in place until I make it. I am trying so hard.

Now, I am not saying I am giving up though I have had bouts of time where I really really want to. But...I feel like, again, I need to explain myself so everyone understands. I am trying. But now I am researching how the body works, things like metabolic slowdown and how to reverse diet to fix that. I am still going to stick to intermittent fasting during this time, but I also need to fix my metabolism before my body just shuts down. Dieting should be a part of my life, not my whole life...not the obsession that it has become. Life has become unenjoyable this way.

I have been evaluating my self-worth by my weight and what my body looks like, the fat around my middle and my legs are like an enemy taunting me every day...telling me I am not worth anything, that I am a failure. I have to find a way to get away from that. It's unrealistic and unhealthy to have that type of body image. I need to be happy with who I am, me as a person, as a mom, as a wife, as a daughter,sister and friend. When I have gotten there, maybe the weight will come off. Maybe not...and I need to find a way to be okay either way.

Love and hugs,
Dee

INTERMITTENT FASTING

So I have decided to start Intermittent fasting again. The protocol I am following is 16/8...which means 16 hours of my day are spent fasting and I eat within an 8 hour window.

WHY??????????

Well, I've been progressively lowering my calorie intake and upping my expenditure...until the numbers are exhausting to try to attain to, then after all that effort, the next day I had to get up and do it all again. I was burnt out! And guess what...NO RESULTS! In fact, I have been slowly gaining weight. Do you have any idea how frustrating that is??? VERY. I was pretty much ready to say forget it...I'll just stay this weight.

My BFF suggested I listen to a podcast by Chalene Johnson (The Chalene Show - it's on iTunes for Apple peeps and for us Androids you can use Podcast Addict, a free app from the Play Store) all about intermittent fasting with Dr. Sara Solomon. Her website is www.drsarasolomon.com. She was a bodybuilder who was in competitions, but who hit a wall with how low she could take her calories and how much exercise she could do...she was working out 2-3 hours per day and had stopped losing fat.  HMMMMMMM....I wasn't doing that much exercise because I couldn't stand it...I have a life ya know!!!

So this is my experiment and hopefully my success with Intermittent Fasting (IF).

We'll see......

The Diet Break...results?

Well, the diet break has come and gone. I ate without regard to calories and gave my body a rest from vigorous workouts. I honestly didn't think I'd last the 2 weeks because it was hard to get out of the mindset of logging and worrying. But I gotta say it was kinda nice.

And to my surprise, I didn't gain much weight!! A little over a pound, which when I started up again came right off and took a friend! YAY!! So I am lower than when I started the break, only at 4 days after I got back on track. I say that is not bad at all!!

So keep on going...weight loss is not easy and you should be proud of every pound you take off, no matter how slow.

Love and hugs,
Dee